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Hello - sorry its now a week after she was born, but I was in hospital until Friday after my section. Cloudette is upstairs asleep - as is Daddy who had a hard night...
Last Saturday morning (January 24th) started very quietly - normal Saturday for us, lie in bed, listen to the radio (Tim Henman was losing at tennis....).....I decided it was time to get up and have some breakfast, stood up out of bed and flooded the floor. I don't quite remember how the conversation went, but it involved Mr Cloud moving very quickly, looking at me, saying "what's happening" and me replying "well, I'm sure I'm not weeing myself"....
Mass mass panic ensured. I couldn't move for around an hour as everything gushed out of me. I phoned the hospital who assured me not to panic and come in at around 11 to get checked over. I had a shower, tried to remain calm, tried to mop up what was flooding out of me, and Mr Cloud went into a huge panic and finished off all his pre baby DIY jobs (put up the nursery curtains, put the pictures up after the painting, remove the masking tape round the skirting boards that's been there since before Christmas). I phoned my Mum (who lives 2 hours away) and she headed up.
Went to the hospital at 11 where they monitored the baby, examined me, checked that yes, really my waters had broken, gave me a sweep, and sent me home. The arrangement was that hopefully the sweep would start labour naturally, bit if I didn't go into labour, I was to come back the next day (Sunday) at 2 and they would induce me.
My body never ever ever responds to anything hormonal. If there is a bodily function that requires a hormone surge etc, then my body won't do it. So, there was no surprise that I had some period type pains over night, but no labour. I managed to sleep surprisingly well considering I knew what was to come.
Most of Sunday was spent hanging around - I had to hang around the house until 2 (waters still leaking out every time I moved) and then go to the hospital. I think both of us by this time just wanted something to happen - poor Mr Cloud was pale with the stress already. While I know its nothing any of us are in any control over, I think it was worse for him because he knew not only was he in no control, but he really expected me to scream at him for at least 24 hours.
Once we got to the hospital, they checked me again on the induction ward, by this time I was 3cm dilated (no idea how..!!), but there was a major rush on in the labour ward, so I was sent to walk around, and sit and wait. After 5 hours they came to get me.
The fact that my waters had broken and I needed to be induced meant that half my birth plan was out the window - no midwife unit, or birthing pool, or moving around for me. They started me on my induction drip at around 7pm - by which time I'd been "waters-less" for 36 hours. Within 2 hours I was on the full dose of induction drug through a drip, and having contractions regularly, - about every 2 minutes. When I was checked again at midnight, I had gone to 4cm dilated. At this point, I asked for some morphine - just to take the edge off. (My hospital use morphine rather than pethidine).
4 more hours progressed - I was so lucky that as an induction I was never left alone for a second - a midwife and a student midwife were with me at all times throughout the night as well as Mr Cloud. They had to move to monitoring Kicksie with a clip through my cervix onto her scalp as she was too mobile to be monitored externally with a sensor and we kept losing her. (At this time we didn't know she was a girl but it seems strange now to write about her not as one, so forgive me).
I was checked at 4am, to discover I had dilated....half a centimetre. The medical team took the decision to give me until 7am and then reassess. By 7am I'd have been on the induction drip for 12 hours, and the baby would have been watersless for 48 hours. I decided at this point to have no more morphine in case this was slowing it down, so my last 3 hours were without pain relief.
At 7am, there had been no further progression and the decision was made that they would have to give me a section. The theatre was busy at the time but when things started moving they really went into overdrive. I was whipped into theatre really quickly, Mr Cloud was whipped off to get changed, I had my epidural in and was all screened and shaved and everything. At 08:08am, our Little Kicksie was born and it was then that we discovered against the genetics and the chromosomes of both of our families, that she was a girl. We were both stunned - I think we would have been very emotional anyway (of course) but neither of use believed she would be a girl. I think I asked Mr Cloud about 6 times in the first 5 minutes "Did they really say she was a girl"; "Is she really a girl"; "Can you check and see"....I also remember saying to Mr Cloud that she was the only girl in the world that he was ever allowed to love more than he loved me....
After that we were taken to recovery and taken to the ward to, well, recover. Cloudette was perfect, I was tired, Daddy was the most exhausted that anyone has ever been, but still I couldn't get him even to go home for a shower, never mind a nap. In the end he went home when I went to sleep to fire off the emails, post on the forum, and have a shower and a change of clothes. He was only away an hour and he had to come back. We were fortunate enough to get a single room for the duration of our stay in hospital and that meant that Bri could be there from 9am to 9pm every single day. He could change her and feed her, and watch her sleep as much as I could and that has helped us all bond amazingly.
And now that's us - left to get on with the rest of our lives, complete with Poppy who is a delightful girl, who we adore so much, and who I can't remember or imagine being without.
Things I'm glad about - -Having a single room made such an immense difference - yes we will have to pay for it, but no money could buy the time that we got to spend alone with our daughter and get to know her in the early days. Mr Cloud's relationship with her is especially strong because of this time together. -The SNOW...!! I'm so pleased there was snow - apart from both our Mums coming in about 6 hours after she was born, we had no other visitors and that made a difference. -Being induced meant I was never left alone "just to get on with it" as I worried I may be - my sister was in labour for 20 hours and people seemed to pop their heads in for 5 mins and come back 4 hours later. -I'm so amazed she is a girl - I know we would have been thrilled with a boy - of course we would have been - but getting the girl we both dreamed about has been the very sweet icing on the perfect cake.
Things I wish were different -I wish I could have breastfed. Cloudette simply didn't take to it at all - No matter how many midwives shoved handfuls of nipple into her mouth, she just wouldn't suck right. In the end it got to the point where we needed to feed her something as it wasn't fair on her, and she has been formula fed ever since. I'm sorry, and I know its not ideal, but she needed fed... -I'm very very self conscious, and one of the things I was concerned about was all the screaming and writhing around in pain. I managed very much to be controlled and control my contractions by breathing through them - the only time I embarrassed myself was in theatre when they were trying to put in my spinal block - every time the anaesthetist touched me my entire body jerked - it was completely out of my control but they were getting slightly frustrated, telling me to relax and how I must not move, and how if they didn't get it in that final time they would have needed to give me a general - All that was embarrassing. -I now can't get rid of my Mum....!! Obviously we need to be subtle but I have no idea how to ask her when she is going home. Mr Cloud only has 2 more weeks before he has to go back to work, and we both want it to be as wonderful as our week in the hospital was - just the 2 of us and Cloudette. My Mum is either being really well meaning (continually going on about lunch when no-one wants to eat - she is obsessed with having normal meals with cutlery when all we want to do is eat cereal) or she is being really demanding (I struggle to my feet and painfully inch to the kitchen - all the time hearing shouts of "If you are up I'd love a cup of tea"). We both just want her to leave us alone for a while, but no-one knows how to broach the subject. If anyone has any advice on the polite way to tell mothers that we want to do it ourselves and ge to know her ourselves, we'd be most grateful. The only tearful moments I've had at all have been around this subject.