Parenting is full of ups and downs. On a bad day it can feel like everything is against you but on a good day you remember how you get through the tough times. Max asked about our best and worst experiences as a parent and had a huge response.
Do you remember your worst day?
I have been struck when 'talking' to folk on here and in my everyday life how
many of us can remember *one* particular day in raising their children that
was the worst ever.
Like a moment when you were so near the edge, you know you'll never get a worse
one, that it can only ever be better than that day.
Monday was my worst with the two of them and I can remember one when E was about 6 weeks where I couldn't stop her crying, I put dark glasses on, put her in the buggy and walked to the park behind out old house and just cried.
It wasn't L's fault, she was immaculately behaved and slept right through it,
but that was the day I spent in A+E trying to find out what was wrong with me,
and ended up being admitted and staying in for 10 days. I was so scared, when
they were talking about dialysis and I was thinking I might not be well enough
to look after her.
All turned out OK eventually though, and almost exactly a year later my kidneys
are fixed and my gorgeous little girl can walk (admittedly only a few steps
so far, but she gets extra points for the triumphant grin).
I did have one morning, when I was having an absolutely awful time with S (prob with her ridiculous waking 5 times a night), H was getting ready to go to work and I burst into tears begging him to stay at home cos I couldn't face another day on my own with her and he did!
When N got the concussion from the unidentified head trauma, and I was sat in a and E with d/h, a lifeless, listless N, and us all covered in vomit being subtly accused of all sorts of horrible things. Then sitting by his hospital bed and not sleeping all night because I was so scared we were going to lose him.
I can't think of a secific day - suppose we've been lucky and not had it that hard - that or I was so tired I didn't remember any of it. It was quite hard when A wanted feeding every hour and a haf at night and by the time we finally got her settled R decided it was morning but it soon passed so I don't remember it that clearly.
H was 5 weeks old , she had been crying all night and i was having visions of throwing her out the window. Then she actually fell asleep in our bed and when she woke, she made proper eye contact with me and smiled!
N was 2 weeks old. He was taking 45 mins a time to latch on, he was screaming hysterically for 12 hours solid and feeding constantly, my nipples were bleeding , the mastitis kicked in , I felt terrible. He didn't sleep until 5.30 in the morning from 6 the previous morning and then only on me. I spent the whole day in tears and then the next day due to complete and untter exhaustion, totally cried out and with a raging temperature and scarlet dripping nipples we gave him a bottle. He took it, settled, slept and he never went on the boob again. Sad in hindsight, but absolutely the right decision at the time. I never want another day like it and touch wood so far we haven't had one.
I remember two occasions. The first one was when A was about 3 weeks old, I'd come crashing down from the high of being a mum, was getting little sleep and hubby was back at work. A had started to get reflux so wasn't feeding well and was screaming a lot. I woke up that morning to a bawling baby totally shattered and realised I had A forever. I remember being in floods of tears begging my hubby to take Adam to work with him so I could go back to bed and sleep. I genuinely meant it at the time, so irrational. I just didn't want to be a mum for 8 hours.
The other time was last summer when A seemed to have had one viral infection after another after another. He was sleeping worse than normal, puking everywhere, extremely irritable and had perfectly his earpierching screech at maximium irritation level. Hubby and I were knackered and pissed off and arguing. In a moment of madness I walked out of the living room to go upstairs but by the front door grabbed my coat and nearly walked out. Good thing I didn't as hubby, presuming I had nipped upstairs for a minute, had gone into the kitchen and nearly walked out the back door and drove off. Poor A would have been all alone and probably in Social Services Care by now. God that day was dreadful but what we nearly did scared me and I've never felt like walking out again.
B was two weeks old. It was the second week in September. We'd been in the
new house six or seven weeks and because it had been summer holidays, I hadn't
gone to many toddler groups or anything because they simply weren't running.
Nights were being pretty crap. H had to go and do his penultimate day's work
in London, so was leaving the house before 7am.
He decides to get a later train in to give me a bit more time to get it together
in the morning. Takes J out to the car to play 'brum brum' before he leaves
at 9am.
I am psyching myself up to go to toddlers in the next village, which resumes
that day. I don't know a soul there.
Have nearly got everyone ready to go out when I get phonecall from Jo on his
mobile: he has car key in his pocket and he's now on train to London. Don't
worry, there is spare key in pot.
Spare key in pot lets me into car. I strap children in. We're already running
late - it starts at 10am and it's past that. I get into driver's seat. Key will
not turn in lock. I try everything. Key won't turn.
Suddenly I feel incredibly incredibly powerless, isolated, alone. Suddenly it's
the most important thing in the world that I get to that toddler group, and
all I can see is that H has put his work before his family and let me down terribly.
I went through every possible way to get the key to turn. I phone H and he gets
cut off going through a tunnel. He doesn't phone back. I throw phone across
car - am sobbing now. Phone gets stuck somewhere.
We have huge row on phone when I finally manage to talk to him again. Back in
house, row continues. I throw landline phone across house and break that one
too. In floods and floods of tears. J hysterical as well. I feel like I can't
cope. Sit on stairs trying to calm myself, and J, and B.
Finally decide to walk to toddlers even though it's half an hour down a main
road. Turn up at 11.15 - when they close at 11.30 - because I had to stop for
a while on my way because I couldn't talk, I was still so full of tears. Felt
like a total madwoman walking into room full of strangers on verge of hysteria.
Later that day, I got another message from H saying he'd missed the train home
so he wasn't going to be back until about 8.30pm. He worded it in a really odd
way which kind-of sounded like 'I'm in trouble with you anyway, so I didn't
think it would matter if I came back an hour and a half later'. I spent all
day saying to both kids 'he loves his work more than his family' and felt so
mean for saying it. I got the kids to bed deliberately so he wouldn't see them
to make him feel bad. I refused to talk to him when he got home...
then forgave him when I realised he was in floods of tears too...
This day is going to be in my mind for a while to come, I think!
When A was 8wks old, we had what we now refer to lovingly as the weekend from hell, she started crying in the Friday evening and didn't stop until Monday mid-morning ... that night she slept 12hrs through the night for the first time!!! Probably exhausted herself ...
I still remember the feeling of wanting to kill her & myself. Glad I didn't tho'
Don't really have one day that springs to mind, but I can remember nearly losing
it a couple of times. The days weren't bad in themselves, they just happened
to be when I reached breaking point. Both times I ended up calling hubby in
tears saying he and R would be better off if I left them. Sounds very silly
now but I really felt I was hurting them simply by being around in the state
I was in.
It was the day I went to baby yoga and cried. L was waking up every 1.5 hours for food - taking 30 mins to feed - hurting each time - she was throwing up on me - and I wanted to kill her.
Went to yoga and someone said -'how are you?' and I promptly burst into tears. couldn't stop crying for days...
She went into her own room that weekend - and I felt so much better - she instantly
started sleeping 3 hourly instead.
Two days spring to mind. The first was when M was 10 days old and having a growth spurt. I was supposed to be meeting NCT friends for a coffee at someone's house, my first proper trip out to do something nice since M was born. I never even got out of bed as he screamed as soon as I gave him to H to hold and he was only happy on my boob. He didn't sleep all day, just fed. Eventually H took him out for a drive at 5pm just to give me a break and he slept for hours when they got home, if only we'd tried it sooner. At the time I'd never heard of growth spurts and had visions of it being like that until I stopped breastfeeding!
The second day was when he was 3 weeks old. I had sciatica again by then and couldn't walk far and couldn't manage to push the pram. I could just about manage to drive though and had arranged another attempt to meet NCT friends. I went to my neighbours house a couple of hours before we were due to leave for a coffee and M did this huge explosive poo all over me and my neighbours couch. Luckily she has a baby too so was fine about it and helped me clean up. I rushed home, dunked M in the bath, had a quick shower, handwashed my trousers and chucked them in the dryer (they were the only things I had that fitted at that point!) and then sat down in just a T-shirt to feed M. My living room was an absolute tip. There was a knock at the door and lo and behold there was the husband of a friend with a present for the baby. Lovely. I'm sure he didn't want to see me in just a T-shirt and knickers with my boob out. Anyway, finally made it to meet friends in damp jeans, hobbling with baby in a sling. I was completely exhausted.
as to be the 1st week of E's life for me, it was a question of whether she would survive or not, and being in limbo was horrid!! It was like a cloud hanging over me 24/7, waiting for that phone call. The nurses always use to call down to NNBU/SCBU early morning to let me know what kind of a night she had had.
Saying that though, the totally worst bit for me, was her being transferred to another hospital and I wasn't transferred for another 36+ hours. I can't describe the feeling of not being able to see or touch your own baby. It was actually 7 days before I was able to pick her up, when alot of the wires came off her.
I really can't describe the feelings that you have. Saying that though almost 12 months on everything is pretty much a blur and you think "did that really happen to us"! If it wasn't for the photo's or the scars from procedures/drips/blood transfusions etc I think it didn't happen to us!!
Not a specific day And to be honest it really is already a BLUR, but the second 4 weeks were hell for us....L was BF til 4 weeks then when I moved to formula she changed overnight from hapyish baby to not happy ever baby.
After 4 weeks of that we swapped to a low lactose formula and never looked back.
Scariest day was the one when she ended up in hospital with Bronchiolitis, all wired up to monitors and struggling to breath.
4am and J would not sleep. I remember sitting in bed, feeling so tired it hurt with H pacing the room and me trying to latch J on. I had milk running down my arms from my armpits, the pillows, J and the duvet were sodden and I just remember looking at J through the tears thinking 'what have we done?'
That was by far the worst moment, I felt like I wanted to put him somewhere just for 6 hrs or so so that we could sleep.
Still upsets me now to think about it.
I remember one with G - she was about 6 weeks old, H was at work, I didn't
know a soul who had a baby in my area. She didn't sleep a wink in the day, all
I could do to keep her happy was feed her. I put her in the pram at about 4
in the afternoon and just pushed. I didn't have anywhere to go but anytime I
stopped she cried, so I kept pushing. Felt extremely close to the edge!
Since I've had E, I've had a couple, one when he was 5 weeks old, waking 2 hourly
at night, I had mastitis, G had a tummy bug, I was alone with the 2 of them,
and we watched the same video ALL day, I was so ill I could hardly get off the
sofa. My parents came down to help me after that, and I went to the drs, managed
to prise G off me so that I could leave her with them, had to take E as too
small to leave, managed to park the car, got the drs, and was told that because
I was 10 mins late for the appt the dr wouldn't see me. Burst into hysterical
tears. Think they all thought I had lost it, I just sat in a chair and cried
and cried whilst holding E, I was just so blimmin tired. Dr then will see me,
and I cry all the way through the consultation whilst she holds E. Surprised
she gave him back to me really and let me drive home! Ah fun times..
Sorry I'm a bit later than the others replying! Those early days were such hell - wished I had never started it all, wanted to send him back or kill myself or all of us - nearly walked out several times, nearly threw him at the wall several times - the first feeds a battle with him frustrated and hungry the next few screaming pain and no end in sight. Every bloody b/f person I knew stared at my boobs and said what a good latch - grrrr. The worst day I sat and cried all day, felt kind of detached from reality and sooooo isolated - like I was in the middle of a vast ocean in a very very small boat, just me and this sobbing baby without a manual. In the middle of that night I tried to feed him and I bled and he threw pink milk up on me and then latched back on and the pain sent me threw the roof. I banged my head on the wall and screamed and screamed.
And the neighbour banged on the door and swore at us and snapped me out of it.
At the next very early morning feed I got up and took him downstairs without waking DH and breathed slowly through the feed. I felt as if I was sitting infront of an audience, as if a circle of eyes watched me, as if they were laughing at me and suddenly I decided that was the end - I *would* breastfeed him and I would win and I sat there reciting children's hymns with big tears rolling off my face and onto J. And that was my turning point cos from then on every time I fed him I muttered 'I will feed in freedom' and other such mindbending phrases (!) - don't laugh it kept me from giving up and leaving! And now I look at those big brown eyes laughing up at me when he feeds and it still makes me cry, thinking of that day and knowing that I will never be that pre-natal me again, but I wouldn't swap these moments for anything.
Here are a few times that come to mind. The first night out of the hospital which was when my milk came in, and R puked in the night and it was full of blood. Massive panic, but it was 'only' from my bleeding nipples. And many times in those first few weeks when we were both in tears trying to latch on and I just couldnt put her on because I was afraid of the pain.
And one terrible day at around 5 weeks when I had my first appointment out of the house at a postnatal class run by the HVs. R screamed the whole time while all the other babies were happy and cooing. They took turns trying to get her to be quiet and the whole class turned into one focussed on me and my baby. I felt like a total failure. Why didnt all the other babies cry? I had expected to go there and swap stories about how difficult it was, and everyone else seemed to think motherhood was a breeze. I felt so alone. I made it through the class, just, but went home and sobbed and sobbed.
When he was admitted to hospital with suspected meningitis.
As you can see from those honest accounts, we're all human and have days where we feel we can't go on. There are days that are amazing though. Read on to be uplifted by accounts of our best days.....
One special day for me was when E first laughed at about 4 months old. I was shaking her trousers over her face, and this beautiful little giggle started and just got louder and louder . She'd sniggered in her sleep before, but never awake. Such a beautiful sound.
And a week or so back, A just sat in my arms and chatted with me for ages, cooing and gurgling. He'd stuck at smiles before, but he was really trying to communicate with me. More so than I remember Evie doing at that age.
I also love lying beside him in our slightly darkened room as he drifts to sleep, after E has gone to bed. I usually have a Baileys or glass of wine and listen to the radio. It's fab.
With C I can't remember much about her baby days sadly, she was a little bundle of fun tho Now I have lots of great days with her, my most PROUD day was the day she won first prize for her singing and dancing in a festival aged 5. I just stood at the back of this huge hall crying and saying "thats my daughter" oh off I go again!!!
As for L, the day she laughed too.....she is extrememyl ticklish but her first laugh was for our DOG!! She loves her, absolutely adores her, and I sometimes worry she won't stop laughing she goes so nuts
The night N was born, I just lay there and all I could think was 'wow' he's
mine. I didn't sleep a wink that night, I was busting with pride .
Especially as it was a possibility I wouldn't be able to have children, it makes
him all the more special.
I honestly can't think of any specific day - it seems like every few weeks, I turn to Mark and say that I'm enjoying *this* stage so much.
I love the way a newborn baby's head fits just under your chin; I love it when they start smiling and cooing at you; I love being here for all the 'firsts' cos I missed them first time round; I love the way O cuddles into me every time I pick him up out of his cot; I love the way R and O play together, or sit and watch a video cuddled up together; I love my quiet time with R once O is in bed, and I love having a cuddle with R just before he snuggles down to sleep.
I can't wait to add another baby to my family, and have even more cuddles and love.
I remember lying in the hospital bed with a two-day old S by my side just getting
all emotional and not believing I had such a beautiful daughter.
Also, the day she gave me her first smile was fantastic. We'd had a hard night
and when we got her up in the morning she just started smiling away and I shed
a little tear of pride - she was only 3wks and 5 days!
Best day has to be the first day R breasfed for the whole day. Just a few of the best moments for me so far have been:
- The first time he smiled at my breast and I knew he was really enjoying feeding
- When he first laughed at a familiar action song
- After Christmas when he was laughing at and cuddling Humpty Dumpty
- Pretty much any time he looks at me and laughs
Hubby's:
- When R grabbed his pint glass (of water!) and tried to drink out of it
- The raspberry blowing competition. Hubby was blowing raspberries at R, R was
blowing them back as best he could. Hubby ended up taking a very exaggerated
deep breath and blowing a very loud, very long raspberry. R looked at him very
seriously, took a deep breath himself and put loads of effort into a huge raspberry.
We all ended up in fits of giggles.
Don't have any truely special days, but like everyone else I thought it was wonderful when Alice first laughed and still thought it was special when B first laughed!
It's great when you nibble the top of his legs or tickle him under his arms as he thinks that's it's hilarious. And I also love the way he gets sooooooooo excited to see me! And when I move away he's really upset that I'm going
With A it's the way she tells me she loves me at least once a days and always wants lots of cuddles. Also the way that when she sleeps with her blond hair spread out on the pillow she really does look like a proper princess who could never do any wrong
And finally I love the way that I can comfortably fit both children on my lap whilst watching TV, B usually trying to chew his way through my fingers and A sucking her thumb and hugging her bear. Just the thought really that these are my children which I brought into the world and could never do without! Ok...that's set me off now!
Gosh...best days/moments - every day is great - just waking up and remembering we have a daughter and she is lovely!
the day she gave me a cuddle rather than just me giving her one
the day she first smiled (and it wasn't wind!)
every morning when she comes into bed with us for a cuddle and her milk
holding her when she's asleep and kissing her little rosebud lips and feeling
her breathing in and out
watching her daddy reading a story to her - this gets me every night
seeing her face light up when her daddy comes in from work - he's coming back
tomorrow after a week away on business so she will have a BIG smile for him!
Not days as such but special moments
The night A was born. I was in my room, H had gone home, it was nearly midnight and A wouldn't breastfed. The MW suggested I had skin-to-skin contact with him so we stripped him off and put him inside my PJ top. I remember just staring down at this tiny little baby in total awe and wonder and totally lost track of time. I was fascinated just looking at him. He kept crawling over my chest and was so alert looking around and getting used to the world. I couldn't keep my eyes off him and I could barely believe he was mine.
I remember the first day A smiled. I was having a hard day and wondered why I'd been so desperate to be a parent whne he looked up at me and smiled. It was one of those perfect moments in time, my heart melted and my feelings a few moments prior just faded away.
One of my favourite times now is when A gives us a kiss. He still gives great big slobbery kisses on the nose and is very determined about it when he wants to be affectionate. His big open mouth and drooling tongue zooms right in on your nose for a doggy kiss. He always gives me at least 3 kisses when I pick him up from nursery and that makes me feel special as I never see any of the other toddlers do that to their parents.
He made me laugh yesterday when I gave him a partly skinned banana. Instead of eating the banana he decided to eat the skin instead! The look of shock on his face was hilarious.
His birth has to be up there really - from that eerie moment with his (what
seemed like a *huge*) head between my legs waiting for a contraction (3mins?5?)
to him being laid on me and weeing all over me and then staring up with dark
pools of gray eyes. I lay there all night staring at him, I was wide awake and
breathless with joy - and he kept opening his eyes and staring back. I still
sing him a song about that now.
Others include: the first good b/f (we waited sooo long for that-see worst day
post), the first time he kissed me, the first time he said sorry (I cried@that).
Oh and one day when he had cried so much I was at the end of myself and I took
him out in the pram - an activity guaranteed to make him cry anyway, but I needed
the air!-and suddenly he saw a tree waving in the wind and stopped crying and
made this little 'ooo' face. I wanted to catch hold of that moment and bottle
it.
Well, I can remember one day that was a turning point for so many things. We had been having a lot of problems with R's weight gain and had been under intense pressure to supplement with formula (ooooo that should have been under my worst day too....). She screamed pretty much non stop for the first 8 weeks Then we finally got her a bit more settled and the first day that she was a joy was at 8.5 weeks, I had a baby massage class as part of my postnatal class (that had previously been a huge nightmare for me, see worst moments) and miraculously she loved it, and was the only baby not to cry! I was so happy I couldnt believe my nightmare baby was the only angel in the room! My mum was staying for a while and I went home so happy to her for lunch. After lunch I took R to be weighed, always a stressful time given all the problems we had had, but this time, she had gained a decent amount of weight for the first time! I was so relieved. We were flying to the US the following day for a month to see the inlaws and I was so happy to have it sorted out before we went.
When I saw H holding our baby for the first time and seeing the look on H's face.
The night he was born and I was finally left on my own, holding my perfect son.
The first smile at 3wks.
Everytime a stranger comments on how beautiful and happy he is.
When he walked at 9 months. H & I looked at easch other in shock as we didn't believe our eyes!
Every time he gives us a kiss and cuddle - melts my heart!
First best moment was when I woke up in hospital in the middle of the night to find a little hand stroking my arm and my big eyed baby looking at me expectantly.
Most recent best moment? When she was dropped back by the childminder, was sitting happily in her car seat and I said 'mummy's here' and she broke into spontaneous delighted giggles!
When she has a bath and giggles and splashes with her daddy, when she stops feeding to look at me quizzically coz I sneezed, then smiles and dives down for more, when she gently strokes a passing cat, then digs her fingernails in (!). It's all good!
There have been loads! With G, all her milestones - ok I admit it I am a proud Mummy She was hard work, but she did everything early, and I was always so proud of her as she learnt to do things. Now she is so sweet and says and does the nicest things to E. With E, sometimes when he feeds, he looks so happy, that it makes me happy I kept on feeding even when it was hard. When he first smiled and it was at G. When he laughs, when he looks at things with great concentration on his face. I'll try and think of some more..
So many, when they smile at you, when they cuddle you tight, when they say I love you, J has started "chatting" to us in the last couple of days and I could talk with him for hours it makes your heart melt, it seems for every bad day there are 10 good days (doesnt feel that way sometimes )